Goblin Honey

The online repository for information about goblins and their world.

Goblin Honey is the name for the collected works concerning the history of beings on the goblin planet, Tejass, and in particular the goblins those living over, on, in, and under Corpses Christi. Two losers are responsible for failing to translate most of these works into visible form.

A goblin is an individual member of the goblin species, native to the surface and underground of Tejas. move his shit to its own pages just notes for now and test font.

It is important to note any detail or fact about goblins will invariably be inapplicable to another upon inspection with a pathological and willful biological refusal to be accurately described or classified.

Often what a goblin or its body can or can't do depends on what it has forgotten or accidentally remembers about itself, or more commonly what it misunderstands about itself, present circumstances, or the nature of reality.

example/note/story/illustration/ (sedentary cave predator w little glowing dots above gaping maw) A goblin stumbles in pretty dark cave for days, unable to see to find their way out. Suddenly they bump into a figure in the dark, who is surprised, and asks the goblin “It's not even that dark down here, why didn't you just use your goblin darkvision to see me?” The goblin, still unable to see a thing, honestly answers “You fool, of course I have darkvision, that's how I see how it is too dark down here!” before stamping off on its way to stumble in the dark, mumbling or thinking to itself, wondering “why can't I see– just because it is too dark!? So what if it is dark? What has that got to do with seeing anything, obviously I can see that it is dark!” The goblin suddenly “understands” it can see just fine, and immediately sets off to their desired location easily navigating the twisting cave depths. Having forgotten or misreasoned any understanding of the relations of vision, light, and darkness finds itself completely able to see in the dark, with little to no memory of ever not being able to do so.

They are weird, gibbering, stinky, freaks of nature with gnashing teeth, big creepy eyes, and disgusting skin and horrible hair made of grease or slime. Too numerous to count, too oppositionally inconsistent to categorize, and too stupid ever want to deal with but notoriously hard to completely get rid without making a worser mess than it was.

Goblins are a variously sized species, ranging from colossal to nearly microscopic, with wildly varying bodies such that even closely related members may be mistaken for different species or objects. Non-goblin doctors have loudly criticized goblins for having seemingly arbitrary biology, with experience on one goblin being completely inapplicable to the next. The most unifying features common to most goblins are sharp pointy teeth, greasy yellowish eggy eyes, and unpleasant flesh. “Goblin hair” or “goblin fur” typically take the form of long, branching, hollow filaments similar to the hyphae of certain molds. Sometimes goblin hair secrete or collect various grease, oils, slimes, gels, or mysterious fluids to give thicker, dripper, full-bodied goblin hair or fur.

For misconvenience, goblins can be loosely grouped based on their “substance” which may or may not manifest itself as that goblins' “blood,” the slop that pours out most if they are cut. A goblin can be thought of as having four parents, two mating goblins providing the halves of the fertilized egg glob, the substances the egg is fed (one of which is typically favoured by the growing gobling), and the place or places the egg is grown and hatched.

The substance parentage is the basis for the subspecies/typing grouping if for no other reason than these goblin groupings usually share dietary preferences when it comes to sauces and appropriate application thereof. Mayo, Oil, Vinegar, Mustard, Syrup, Crumb, Blood, Meat, Fish, Wood, Sewer, Moss, Wort, Smog, Cheese, Milk, Bone, Rust, Spam mail, Internet, Electronic, Book, AI, Muck, Bile, Compost, Gas, Ferment, Acid, Base, Waste, Radiation, Moon, Plant, Dirt, Dust, Ash, Half, Cave, Sand, Treasure, Plain, Cash, Clam, Egg, Crud, Sludge, Slime, Rot, Mildew, Math, Robot, Giant, Teeth, Dump, Forest.

(The whole corpse and adjacent regions). Along the northwestern coast of TejasOil Ocean in the region of Christi lies the mountainous corpse of an unknown being that inhabitants call Corpses Christi or Corpses for short.

Corpses Christi City is the collective name of the surface Megacity-states on the lower half of Corpses Christi. Corpses Christi City, (rest of names tentative) Ranchhouse/Burburg/Subburg/Cheekburb/Spiral (the round buttcheek covered in the House superorganism), Valley (city in crack), Gam(right thigh), Dancer (right calf), Heel (right Heel island), Long Legland(left leg thigh/calf/foot), Big Hole (cities on edges and sides of the cavern leading to inner corpses christi sea) and sometimes Cheek City(floating city from original cheek)

The city on the lower/right cheek, relatively flat as the top bit of the cheek was cleaved away in the formation of the floating Cheek City.

The Corpses Christi City City borough Slobberough is seen as the cultural arts & crime heart of the city, and one of the oldest continuously inhabited areas of the whole of Corpses. Because of a dataloss incident at the Free Encyclopedia Division, Slobberough remains the only borough examined in detail in this Encyclopedia. or is it an Almanack or wiki,

Goblin is as goblin does.